The first time I watched Supernatural, it was 2012 and I had just had my first baby. We were fresh home from the hospital, and all of us were sleeping on the couch because I couldn’t walk up the stairs to the bedroom, and so we watched a lot of TV while we took turns snuggling the baby. My husband put episode 1 on while I was kind of dozing, and I didn’t know what it was and really wasn’t paying attention. I honestly thought it was some corny horror movie, since he watches stuff like that sometimes. I sort of half heard some of what was going on, and then looked up at some point and there was a woman in white on the ceiling, burning. I don’t remember much after that.
Over the next week I was still on the couch, still managing a new baby, still healing and stressing over a million things. But somewhere in the fog of sleep deprivation and dirty diapers, I kept finding myself wondering why that woman was on the ceiling like that, on fire. Cheesy horror movie or no, my brain just couldn’t stop gnawing on that image. I finally had the presence of mind to ask my husband what he was watching, because I figured I was going to have to bite the bullet and watch the cheesy horror flick just to get my brain to shut up. He told me it was a show called Supernatural, which was super popular and already had seven whole seasons. And so once I was slightly more alert (but still spending lots of time on the couch for maternity leave), I started my Supernatural journey.
It’s not hard to fall in love with Supernatural. I think that much is pretty easy to agree with. I fell down the rabbit hole, HARD, which is especially important to note in this instance because this was the first sci-fi/fantasy show that I had done this with. This was before Doctor Who, before superheroes, before… everything. Supernatural was absolutely my gateway drug to sci-fi/fantasy TV fandom. I owe this show so damn much.
It’s hard to remember exactly what went through my mind during that first watch, other than “OMG THIS IS AMAZING.” Which is what I said, a lot. I remember absolutely loving the brothers, and trying to decide which one I loved best because that’s just what my brain always does (sidenote: I kept thinking that I *should* be a Sam girl, because he’s just exactly the kind of guy I always love… but it wasn’t until I was entirely caught up on the show that I was able to admit to myself that I was a Dean girl, through and through). I just loved everything about the story. The relationships, the lore, the meta-ness, the sense of humor. Just everything. The only thing I didn’t like was when the gunfire woke up the baby (I may have cursed at Sam and Dean to keep it down multiple times. I was tired.. don’t judge me). I was devastated when I was finally caught up.
I spent a few years after that trying to stay caught up week to week, but it just never worked. For me, Supernatural was a show that I binged, and watching week to week was just too hard. I needed MORE. So, because I was all over Twitter fangirling over all the sci-fi/fantasy things at this point, the major plot developments were basically always spoiled for me. But I found I enjoyed Supernatural best when I could binge an entire half season/season.
I rewatched the show again in its entirety five years later, when I had another baby. Sam and Dean’s gunfire was again loud, and again startled the baby, but I fell into the world just as hard as I had before. I loved revisiting old episodes, seeing the storylines in a new light, now that I knew what was coming. And just being pleasantly surprised to re-see things I’d seen before, but forgotten, because of the sheer VOLUME of Supernatural episodes that exist.
So here we are almost two years later, and I’m again rewatching the show. Just because I feel like it, I guess? I’ve been watching this season (14) week to week because it’s brilliant, and just recently finished my dissertation which was STRONGLY influenced by the Supernatural fandom, so I guess I just have had the show on the brain. But for some reason, watching it this time is just… different. Maybe it’s because I don’t have the recent physical trauma of childbirth plus the new baby haze, but… some of these storylines are just hitting me directly in my soul. While I loved the show before, deeply, I felt like I was watching things happen to other people, and enjoying it in that way. In this rewatch, suddenly the things that the boys are going through are not a far stretch from things that I’m thinking, feeling, or experiencing myself. It’s all the more powerful due to it being so unexpected.
With 14 seasons of awesomeness, there are about a billion avenues, emotions, and themes I would love to dig into and explore, despite knowing that others have probably explored them all well, and in depth. Hopefully I’ll get the chance to do some of that, if for no other reason than to help me process and play with some of my own emotional reactions and do some self-reflection. But in the meantime, I’ll just sit back and try to draw as much strength as I can from this trio of men, knowing that if they can do their best, even when their best somewhat consistently ends with them making a mess, and yet still be regarded as the best, and are still loved fiercely… maybe I can be brave and do my best, too.
it’s just so much more that’s literally impossible to describe. I can tell you that as I write this, the tears are falling… for Alan Rickman, for Prince, for George Michael, for Carrie Fisher… but to fully tell you why would take more pages than is reasonable, would go through minute details of the near entirety of my life, and would be so intimately personal that it would likely be uncomfortable for all of us. Art and music help us find who we are. They help us define and celebrate ourselves. They help us grow. And while the influence that these artists have on our lives can never leave us, having the artists themselves leave represents a loss that can be breathtakingly painful… especially when there are so many back to back that you can’t even grieve properly for one before the next is lost to us. The pain can become overwhelming, especially when combined with other emotionally challenging issues facing our society and us personally.
for the loss of a real, living, breathing human being… especially one that created the soundtrack of our lives or who helped to create a fictional story that gave us meaning and direction in our real, living, breathing world. We can be angry and sad, etc., that we have lost someone who brought joy to our lives. To do so is human. And it’s okay. Give yourself permission to feel, and permission to grieve. Just that alone can make a world of difference.
memories, both good and bad. This again highlights the personal nature of grief, because someone who is upset over the loss of a musician may not be grieving just the artist themselves. They may also be grieving and reexperiencing the memories of their own life that George Michael was a part of or accentuated. The relationships they remember Prince being involved in, either by playing in the background or having lyrics that spoke your heart’s emotions at the time. Art imitates life, life imitates art, but ultimately they’re all wound together in our memories, making the loss of artists that much more painful.
an help with reflection and catharsis. For others, reaching out to others who are hurting for the same reason can be helpful, whether those are friends and family in your inner circle, or people out in Internetland. Social media has allowed this to become easier to do, especially with Twitter hashtags and Facebook groups. Fandom can be a powerful support system, full of memories, laughter, and tears of an entire community. Remembering to be respectful of others and their grief, and to actively surround yourself with people who are truly helping to lift you up can be important to make sure the community is helping each other, and that you are getting what you may need from the interactions.
people to watch old movies, putting together a playlist, donating or volunteering for a cause that was something important that you shared with that person, or attending some kind of community vigil or event, there are countless things that could be done. Ultimately, try to listen to your emotions and do what truly helps you to feel healthier. Sadness and anger are absolutely parts of the stages of grief, but remember that you’re working towards acceptance. If, despite your best efforts, you feel that your grief is impairing your ability to function, please consider contacting a mental health professional to ask for help. Acknowledging that you may need help and asking for it is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Please don’t hesitate to do so. Check out the bottom of this post for resources if you need help finding a place to start.
us anything, it’s that life is meant to be lived, celebrated, and enjoyed, even when it’s a mess. Each of the people we lost this year was unique, passionate, and full of life. And each of them had flaws, which they didn’t allow to hold them back. After suffering such losses this year, what the world may need more than anything is for us to take the inspiration and epic gifts that these artists gave us, and channel back into the world in our own ways. So while we can accept that grief is a wibbly wobbly emotion that doesn’t work in a straight line and never truly goes away (I’m quite sure I will ugly cry through Love, Actually every Christmas for the rest of my life…), it’s also important that we get back to the business of living.
another interlude with my boy Glenn. I won’t get to see the look on Glenn’s face when he sees his baby, or see he and Maggie, one of my favorite ships, fight to save each other as they’ve done so many times. I won’t get to watch as Glenn inspires and encourages others. And dammit, I won’t get to hear Abraham talk about dicks, which was also a ray of happy in my world.
goodie, who was feeling concerned about being left behind once her best friend started dating the popular kid in school. Every single person that ever attended high school – whether it be in the 80s or any other decade — had insecurities, and Barb is those insecurities personified. While each of us likely had a slightly different experience, the fear in high school that if <insert thing here> happens, my friends won’t talk to me anymore is a feeling we can likely all remember…. As is going places where we’re not comfortable and maybe even drinking when we didn’t want to just to try to keep a friend or look “cool.” The idea that she did all that, and then still got snubbed by her friend… well, the hurt was palpable, and one that I have most assuredly felt in my life, and I’ll bet 
I’m not alone there. Seeing Barb sitting on that diving board, alone and devastated… that definitely gave me more reminiscent high school feels than the fashion references. Losing friends is always brutal, but for some reason in high school it’s just exponentially worse. And so, for so many of us who lived through high school – especially if we happened to be slightly nerdy (come on, fess up, we’re all family here!), Barb was us… and we were Barb. Having Barb then be the one major character that didn’t make it… well, the trauma was real.
Eleven’s life had been. The abuse, the neglect, the complete lack of real emotional connection of any kind… her entire story was tragic, from beginning to “end.” As a mental health professional who worked with abused and neglected kids for several years, seeing Eleven’s story was heartbreaking, as I knew the struggles she’d likely face if she made it through… the PTSD, struggles in relationships, challenges trusting and coping… seeing kids deal with this is so painful, even when they’re out of the abusive environment and healing. As a mom, watching Eleven made me want to rip my kid out of bed and snuggle her and ply her with Eggos and tell her I love her forever… and as my child is a toddler with sleeping problems, you know that’s a big statement. But ultima
tely, after the difference facets of myself reacted in their various ways, a solid take away that I’ve seen with my own eyes to be true is that the kindness of one human really can make all the difference in the world to another human. We don’t know the true fate of Eleven at this point, but what we do know is that if she actually is gone, her brutally dark world had some light at the end… all due to the kindness of a nerdy kid named Mike, and it likely made all the difference in the world to her.
mother who flat out refuses to give up on her child, no matter how crazy everyone thinks she is; the police chief who got housed by the worst kind of trauma but is still trying to make the world a better place in his own flawed way; the mom who desperately wants her kids to talk to her, but knows they aren’t and is terrified for them and frustrated with herself. Stranger Things gave us a unique opportunity to not only look back and see ourselves and our awkwardness and insecurity in the past from a relatively safe distance now that we’re grown, but it also gave us the ability to look back and see how it may have been for our parents. While it’s true we likely didn’t get chased by literal monsters and taken to the upside down back then (I really hope you didn’t… that place was completely terrifying), many of the struggles are still relatable. Maybe we were so caught up in our own problems that we didn’t notice how fiercely protective our parents were, or how hard they were trying to get through to us, or how difficult it was for them to watch us struggle to make friends or deal with challenges. If you’re a parent now, the show might’ve been even more engaging because you could maybe relate to the kids and teens from your past, as well as relating to the adults in your present. An interesting emotional experience to be sure!
taking a step back from Team Arrow and the fight for Star City so that they could reflect on who they are without their masks and badges. This can’t have been an easy decision for any of them to make as fighting to make the world a better and safer place is such an integral part of each of their identities. In our fast paced world, we are so often programmed to think of others’ needs ahead of our own… it would be easy for each of them to struggle with guilt for leaving the city less protected to manage their individual issues, or to try to gut it out and not leave at all. But in reality, if superheroes don’t take a step back to manage their emotions and to heal, it’s very easy for them to either cross that line from hero to villain, or get themselves killed by not having their head in the game. Neither of these outcomes are at all helpful to the people they’re trying to protect, ultimately showing how taking care of themselves is taking care of the city. While my respect and adoration for these characters was already incredibly high, seeing them make 
the tough choices to step back and care for themselves emotionally nearly made my therapist heart burst with joy. It’s easy to be inspired by superheroes to be a better person and to do good for the world as they do. Seeing Team Arrow show us that it’s okay to take care of ourselves is something that we don’t often see superheroes do, and I hope will inspire more of us as viewers to do the same. While the stakes may not be as high for us day to day, the consequences can be the same… if we don’t take care of ourselves, we can stop having the capacity to be the people we truly want to be, living the lives we want to live. And that’s not helpful for us, or the people we love.
time away from the team for their own self-reflection and healing last year. They rediscovered their focus and their purpose in a way that the rest of Team Arrow will likely work on discovering over this summer. Oliver is therefore caring for himself by continuing the crusade he began four years ago, and expanding it to work to help the city in the light of day as mayor, rather than only at night as a vigilante. Felicity is staying to further the cause as well. Seemingly for her, despite the pain that she has experienced this year, continuing to work to help keep the city safe is the way that she continues to find purpose 
in her life, giving meaning to all of the tragedy and heartbreak she’s experienced. Being on the outside looking in, however, I do hope that before they get back to protecting the city, both Oliver and Felicity take some time to sleep, eat decently, and emotionally and physically rest (separately, to get their heads on straight). They’re going to need it – especially if they’re going to be protecting the city on their own, and managing the emotionally heavy relationship issues that will likely come from them working so closely together. Alone. In the lair. Every day. (Fanfic authors, I’m looking at you right now….)
relationships – emotions can easy escalate, causing the tremendous passion we so often see in fandom. Passion about our fandoms is what we’re known for, and for many of us, it’s a point of pride, no matter what the rest of the world may think or feel about it. But keep in mind…. Life is short. Energy is finite. There are battles we have to fight in our daily lives that we can’t back down from. But our television choices don’t have to be one of them. When it comes to fandom, do the things that bring you joy and make you feel good. Focus on elements of your shows that make you happy. Read good fan fiction and leave positive comments for the authors. Find fun people and groups to engage with on social media. Go to a con and find your fandom family. Send your favorite actors, writers, and showrunners a love letter thanking them for their hard work and tell them how they’ve touched your life. Revel in the positive, and most importantly… Take care of yourself. You deserve that.
which is absolutely been shown to be a successful and useful coping mechanism. I hate exercise with a fiery passion, but it’s true that physical activity does help both mind and body feel better. Felicity’s coping (that we’re aware of) tends to involve ice cream and television, which I can also get behind and can certainly be helpful in moderation. Another active coping strategy, however, which all of our team excels at are problem solving and planning. Working to change your situation, and the ability to see and plan a way through is absolutely a useful coping skill, and can help manage stress. Oliver, for example, may get beaten down and defeated, but as long as he can see another way to attempt to fix the problem, he continues to cope. The only times when he seems to truly panic or despair is when he can’t see a next move.
licity, as her witty comebacks and one liners are constant, even through the most challenging missions. At times she may use this as a defense mechanism to avoid dealing with her real feelings, but sometimes that can actually be useful. That’s why they’re called “defense” mechanisms. They can help us make it through until we’re ready or feel safe enough to deal with those challenging issues and feelings.
and other members of the team seen things a certain way – usually with an outcome that involves reverting back to killing and death — but Felicity is able to reframe it to be something else? At the end of season 2, both Lance and Oliver very clearly believe that Oliver has to go back to killing to be able to win. Felicity sees things differently, in that the reason for all the madness was because of killing, not because he refused to. It made Oliver see the entire situation in a different light, leading to an outcome where neither Slade nor Oliver died, keeping another piece of Oliver’s soul intact (while also giving us that Olicity scene in the mansion… thankyouverymuch!)
has faced the last few weeks with nearly as much calm and composure as she has, I also understand that we only see small pieces of what’s happening in their lives. Feli
city is a strong female character who has inspired many of us with her ability to persevere and save the world despite all of the things she’s facing down. But in the spirit of also making sure our expectations for ourselves are realistic, remember that we saw Felicity hug both her father and Oliver, almost seemingly against her will. Remember that we saw her have talks with Curtis and with her mom. While we may not see all of it, Felicity does seem to be seeking out comfort and support to help her carry on through these nightmarish days. She seems to know (even if she hasn’t consciously thought about it) that she can’t do it all on her own.
able to see things more positively when others can’t, and he is able to keep his positivity even in the face of extreme struggle, as we saw when he talked Thea back into the light in this episode. He never wavered, and he always kept the faith… in Thea, in Felicity, and in himself. Through modeling the resilient behavior, Felicity has effectively taught Oliver how to help not only himself, but hopefully also her and Diggle during these difficult days. While Felicity does seem to be managing and confronting her emotions, how Diggle will cope long term remains to be seen. He continues to work to take down HIVE, but as of now he is not being honest with Lyla, which means he’s not getting the full social support he may need to cope. Just like Oliver pointed out at the end of Season 3, coping with our own issues often means asking for help. Sometimes it’s the only way.
and that life is a constant cycle of choices and consequences. Arrow is about the origin story of Oliver Queen, and we have watched him go from feckless boy to stone cold killer to the imperfect but much healthier, mature man and superhero that we know today. Through that journey we’ve watched Felicity and Diggle pull him back from the line between hero and villain any number of times. This week, OTA played musical chairs with their roles on the team. Felicity is working through pushing people away and isolating herself due to reacting strongly to having trust 
betrayed, while Diggle has completely lost his ability to be rational when it comes to his family and has now officially done something that has walked him right up to that hero/villain line that Oliver is usually flirting with. And Oliver is now the voice of reason. He is the light and the Yoda of Team Arrow, showing such profound and believable character development that I get a little misty eyed. I’m so proud of Oliver that my heart could burst.
hope. Oliver beat back Darhk’s magic not just because he thought of Felicity and his team and the others who have said wonderful things about him… but because he finally, truly believed it. Yes, we saw Diggle destroy a part of his soul, and yes, it hurt. But we saw it happen just as we saw Oliver officially – really and truly – restore his soul to whole after he los
t so much of his. Diggle can and will come back, and Oliver will help him, just as he helped Oliver. Felicity can and will regain her equilibrium in her relationship with Oliver and Oliver will help her believe that people can change, just as she helped Oliver believe it. Their roles are ever shifting, but their relationships remain.
ack was a truly traumatic blow, fictional or not. While Laurel has been a divisive figure with fans of the show (people tend to love her or hate her), the fact is, she had an extremely powerful story. She survived massive trauma and humiliation – the death of her sister (twice), the death of her longtime boyfriend, the humiliation of their deaths happening while they were cheating on her and
the hugely publicized nature of it, the death of her next boyfriend who died saving her, her parents’ divorce, her father’s drinking problem, her mother’s distance, plus a slew of near death experiences… She went through a lot. And for awhile it beat her. She resorted to drugs and alcohol because she lost the ability to cope with both her own actions and the actions of others, and as addiction is a genetic disorder, her path to the bottle wasn’t terribly surprising.
has never been really true to the comics, but killing the Black Canary seems to have gone just too far outside comic canon for some people to handle. I will admit that I don’t know much about comics, and so I can’t make any declarative statements there except that I know sometimes Batman’s Robins die, showing precedent even in the DC comic universe for major character death. But… none of that matters. Feelings just are, whether anyone thinks they should be or not. And anger, as I’ve mentioned in 
disappointment, hurt, or feelings that trust has been violated (much like Laurel’s season 2 anger was masking her grief, guilt, and insecurity). And I think that for many, those are the feelings that are currently being experienced with regards to Laurel’s death. Many people expected that eventually Laurel and Oliver would find their way back together, as that’s what happened in the comics. Many people felt that Laurel, if not with Oliver, would continue on her own super hero journey alongside Oliver as part of Team Arrow. Many people trusted the writers to continue the story of their beloved character, and feel disillusioned, hurt, and incredibly, incredibly sad that she’s gone.
o really didn’t like Laurel, and she triggered super negative things for them because of things that they have been through with people like her. Both types of people are going to have a significant emotional response to this episode, but it’s important to try to remember that if you weren’t a fan of Laurel, you are experiencing positive emotion, while those who loved her are experiencing loss. Try to be respectful, and remember that on any given week, we might be the one to lose that character that’s near and dear. These writers have proven that nothing and no one are off the chopping block, so be kind to others. You never know when you may want that kindness coming your way.
